everyone needs a boyfriend. why? so you have someone to buy you things, get you flowers, think you're pretty when you really look like shit, and to hold your hair while you puke. but you're not going to get one wearing sweat pants& throwing up! so here's a nice little how-to guide to getting any guy, any age, any time.
but before you put on your hoochie pants and lip gloss, you might want to consider the age of the guy you're trying to put a ring on.
for little boys...you want to look as youthful as possible! i suggest overalls, light up sneakers, hair in pigtails, and always always have a ring pop in one hand and a nice big glass of kool aid in the other.
for teenagers...less is more. never wear a bra. or a shirt for that matter. if you really feel the need to wear pants at least cut out the crotch. and the answer to any question they ask is YES!
for old men...three words: juicy, velvet, sweatsuit.
once you've got that down, now you can get down to the nitty gritty...
1) be obviously available. wear an id bracelet that is bedazzled with the word S.I.N.G.L.E. while you're at it actually, bedazzle everything you own with that word. for variety you can also include things like: available, easy, do me, i want you, call me, i want a boyfriend. whatever.
2) be a go getter. try as hard as you can to get his attention. bump into him on purpose, accidentally make your shirt come off, make your face fall into his face, you get the idea.
3) make jokes. i especially like ones about sex, poop, animals, and food.
4) have big boobs. the bigger the better. if yo momma didn't give you much...fake it till you make it. wear as many bras as necessary.
5) do your makeup as if you were a cat. but don't just stop at cat eyes. whiskers and a tail could be fun too!
6) style your hair as if you were a disney princess. the longer, the bigger, the better!
No comments:
Post a Comment