71 ways to be BAD ASS

no big deal or anything...but the words commonly used to describe me are: bad ass, bad ass biiiotch, bad ass mutha fuckaaaaaaa, super cool and amazing and awesome and perfect. so i'll help a brotha out& share my BA tips with you(:


1. don't give a SHIT about what people think of you
2. don't give a SHIT about what you say
3. actually just don't give a shit about anything really
4. don't use a filter. say whatever pops in your head. if you see a hottie with a naughty body& what comes in your head is "omg hi you're so cute can we do it later?" then say it. why not right? (;
5. don't obey laws
6. be DIFFERENT
7. example of 6: go through the drive thru of fast food, coffe places, whatever else, backwards. it's exciting
8. pretend you have a disorder that makes you shout out random words really loudly. good words to shout are penis, poop, and fuck.
9. be yourself (;


with that being said, here's my video of the week by the queen of bad asses...not only is this a funny video, but it's literally MY LIFE

and one more thing, to be a bad ass you have to listen to the right music. but who wants to spend money& buy music? here's a free download yeeeeeee
DO NOT CLICK (;

pinning& pooping (:

so, my fellow friends who have no life...i've been busy lately!
doing what you might ask? as the title suggests PINNING! i love love love love love pinterest. loooooove it. i have a board for everything from hair to tattoos to my future children (hey, the best kids are planned kids right? so it's not totally strange for me to have that as a board...) so basically everyone should stop reading this right now and get an account.


still reading?
then here's what else i've been doing...

building a gingerbread traaaaaain! yes it's lopsided don't judge ):

going snowboarding...never again. i literally broke my toe. i would post a picture but it's too gruesome. 

taking pictures of my snuggle buns. aweeee<3 yesterday i bought a frame that says mommas boy& put his picture in it...heheh uhhh

and FINALLY being forced (literally, forced) to take my room from this.........again don't judge i'm a girl it's fine

to this! (minus the rug)

so anyway i hope you haven't missed me too much but it's obvious that i'm having more fun with my crazy beautiful life (ke$ha <3 <3 <3) 

words of advice though: don't pin while in class, don't go snowboarding if you don't know how (trying new things is for homos) and don't let your boyfriend see your room if you're not willing to deal with the consequences! and by that i mean cleaning for 3 days straight. 

22 more ways to piss me off

i have a confession to make...i think i'm a fussy person. at least that's what i've been told. lot's of things piss me off. everything from tying my shoes (i don't, ever), to people telling me my shoes untied (omg i know...i didn't tie it when i put the damn thing on& i've realized it's untied every time i've taken a step today and tripped. thanks captain obvious), to not having thawed butter JUST when i've made toast (seriously it's not that hard to take some out of the fridge when you finish the thing, even i can do it)


so..back to the point. i'm fussy, pissy, cranky, and easily annoyed by things that "normal" people don't even think about. that being said i think i have found my new best friend!
his name is kingsley and he is just as easily annoyed by stupid shit as i am! 
i was going to make a 22 ways to piss me off version 2.0 but now i don't even need to! he pretty much listed it all.
watch& laugh my friends(:
AND watch out for black cats, ladders and broken mirrors and happy friday the 13th hehehehe.

new year, new me, same old bull

well, first of all happy new year!!! 2012 yay.

i'm sure you all had a great time that you don't remember& have spent allllllllll day in bed "recovering". if that's you, congrats! you just spent the first day of the LAST YEAR OF OUR LIVES in bed..good job.
normally, i would waste my day of facebook (or my new love pinterest!) but today i couldn't. literally every post looked something like this;
1) hAPpy new yerrrr hahahhahaah i lov eveyrone so drunk lolz gret way tos tart 2012 
2) wow spending new years alone ): i hate boys& parents& my friends and everyone ): waaah
3) new year, new me!! yipee bring on the sober not slutty life.


so dumb.
first of all, the internet is a really bad place to post about your crazy drinking habits. good for you that you're in highschool and party COOL STORY. or my favorite is the people who have graduated high school and now the only thing they've done with their life is play beer pong.
second post. no wonder you don't have anything to do on new years! you whine too much. no one wants to hang out with a boring whiny bitch.
third, YEAH FREAKING RIGHT. you're not going to change your life cause it's 2012. if you really wanted to not be a slut, you would have stopped sleeping around in october. as for the fat people who are going to lose weight? probably not. you'll be an avid gym member for january and then go back to your ways of eating 18 cheeseburgers for lunch.


my resolution this year is simple: be happy(: if that means going to the gym alot, cool. but if i also want to spend a month on an ice cream and mcdonalds diet i'll do that too. i'm still going to swear like a sailor while driving, and i'm not going to clean my room. and i'm going to have the best damn year of my life. especially since it's going to be our last, right?


happy new year errrbody. 

how to get a boyfriend 101

everyone needs a boyfriend. why? so you have someone to buy you things, get you flowers, think you're pretty when you really look like shit, and to hold your hair while you puke. but you're not going to get one wearing sweat pants& throwing up! so here's a nice little how-to guide to getting any guy, any age, any time.


but before you put on your hoochie pants and lip gloss, you might want to consider the age of the guy you're trying to put a ring on.
for little boys...you want to look as youthful as possible! i suggest overalls, light up sneakers, hair in pigtails, and always always have a ring pop in one hand and a nice big glass of kool aid in the other.
for teenagers...less is more. never wear a bra. or a shirt for that matter. if you really feel the need to wear pants at least cut out the crotch. and the answer to any question they ask is YES!
for old men...three words: juicy, velvet, sweatsuit. 


once you've got that down, now you can get down to the nitty gritty...
1) be obviously available. wear an id bracelet that is bedazzled with the word S.I.N.G.L.E. while you're at it actually, bedazzle everything you own with that word. for variety you can also include things like: available, easy, do me, i want you, call me, i want a boyfriend. whatever.
2) be a go getter. try as hard as you can to get his attention. bump into him on purpose, accidentally make your shirt come off, make your face fall into his face, you get the idea.
3) make jokes. i especially like ones about sex, poop, animals, and food.
4) have big boobs. the bigger the better. if yo momma didn't give you much...fake it till you make it. wear as many bras as necessary. 
5) do your makeup as if you were a cat. but don't just stop at cat eyes. whiskers and a tail could be fun too!
6) style your hair as if you were a disney princess. the longer, the bigger, the better!

how to diet during the holidays.

chances are, for the holiday parties you want to look like:

this:

and not this: 

so how to you go about the holiday food& parties& alcohol and look HOT, not HORRIBLE? that's where i come in to help(:

1. go craaaaaaaaaazy. decorating that is. make your house look so fan-freaking-tastic that you don't have time to bake! if you're in the mood to make fudge, trim the tree. if you really need a gingerbread house, use cardboard. 

2. dress well. and no, i don't mean look niiiiiiiice  or faaaaaancy or whatever. wear as little and as tight as possible. when your pooch is hanging out from your skin tight un-flattering colored bandage dress, the bacon wrapped cream puffs probably won't taste as good.

3. chew other things! gum, your finger nails, tree ornaments, whatever. anything besides food! you can also make a game out of this, see how many non food items you can eat before the host notices that her special hand made baby jesus decoration is gone! you can also see how many pieces of gum you can fit in your mouth, etc. 

4. pretend you're very young or very old. baby children and old people are probably the pickiest eaters in the whole world besides myself. if they don't really like the 900 calorie PER SERVING three cheese and deep fried bacon casserole, they probably won't eat it. be the same way. if it was store bought, don't eat it unless it was from someplace suuuuuper fancy. so none of that wal mart shit. and if it was homemade, DEF don't eat it. who knows how good of a cook that person is, and there will probably be hair in it. people who make food at home don't usually wear hair nets. 

5. don't skip meals. if you fill up on fat free rice cakes and calorie free celery at home, you won't be hungry for the bean dip and cupcakes. 
6. channel your inner cat. cats never, ever, eat someplace new until they are super duper comfortable. so until someone puts butter on your paws and forces you to lick it off, don't eat!
7.have more fun& eat less food. do this by playing games! you don't need to sit down and play scrabble. in fact, it could be more fun if you're the only one who actually knows a game is taking place! play i spy...pretend you're a mime...speak only in sign language...play go fish...pretend you're blind...pretend it's opposite day...try to walk around with the bible on your head...the options are really endless. 
8. get drunk. but carefully. if you participate in all you can drink egg nog or lose track of how many hot buttered rums you've had, you did this one wrong. anything sweet or yummy that doesn't look, sound, taste, or smell like alcohol is off limits. what you want is straight up 150 proof whatever. after a few shots of that, you'll probably forget you were even hungry in the first place. you might also forget to wear pants, or that you're married, so be careful.
9. appetizers are off limits. appetizers is code for: small-little-fat-packers-that-you-think-are-low-calorie-so-you-eat-fifteen-of-them. celery is your best friend, mini quiches are your worst enemy.


that's all i can think of. but if all else fails...screw dieting and plan to purposely look like fucking santa claus. EMBRACE YOUR INNER FAT ASS! eat all you want, tell the gym to put it where the sun don't shine, and just starve yourself for the whole month of january to make up for it(:
happy holidays and happy eating!

hi, i'm dying

if you know anything about me, you know that i miiiiiiiiiiiight have a slight case of hypochondria. that being said. i google sicknesses a lot. and how to cure these sicknesses. so THIS is probably the coolest thing ever. HOME CURES to everything, from being sick to lots more. just call me holly the hypochondria homemaker, holla(: